Freaked out by the options mainstream supplied, I stepped off the beaten track and chose to study as an autodidact and get my Master’s in Self-Doubt followed by a PhD in Self Confidence. I considered a professional career in Conflict Resolution but couldn’t resolve my own conflicts, so I chose instead to write privately about them from every angle in order to examine and release.

Why aren’t women successful in their sex lives? Because sex for women embodies all levels of their being. Most men can just be in their body and go after their satisfaction. A woman can’t turn off her brain so easily.

I was embarrassed once I discovered that my natural honest focus in life was to find out about the orgasm, how it influences creativity and healing. During my rebellious years as a free spirit, I learned how to eliminate what got in the way, which I couldn’t do when wearing the Presidential hat earlier in my executive life. I was more corporate at eighteen than I’ve ever been willing to be since then.

I eliminated my guilt for not ending war, hunger, or global warming. I stopped beating myself up for having a focus less admirable than finding the solution for cancer. I recognized how busy my mind was and how that got in the way of manifesting any desire of the moment. For awhile I was too self conscious so my body couldn’t stand up and say “I’m here” or lay down and say “I’d rather be here.” For a while,  I ditched my heart, pretending I could play at sex just like the boys do.

With a license in Massage Therapy I’ve academically learned how important Stress Reduction is. Stress causes 95% of the illness that takes people down and out. The quickest way to release stress is not to take on more than you can chew. Easier said than done when one is taught to say yes with enthusiasm is respectable, regardless of one’s deepest most internal desires.

I’ve written since I was twelve but preferred to remain hidden until recently. Diagnosed with a chronic cancer in 2010 inspired me to stop standing on the sidelines of my own life and enter the real field. Writing COURTING ME(N) allows me to release my past story. Publishing it will help me create a new one.

Even though I never truly committed to a man, I’ve been obsessed over a few of them during my decades. I’m not afraid of commitment, just unwilling to not be me by succumbing fully to his needs and compromising my own for the good of the relationship.

Obsessing about the men who got under my skin exploited energy that could have been spent better giving my unique gift to the world. What I’ve learned from writing this book, is that each man brought out in me what I didn’t necessarily see until I was with them. I believed they gave me the link to that part of myself I wanted the most. But the truth is, that link was inside of me all along. It’s the same link in every woman who isn’t shamed out of recognizing it.

My book follows a quest. It doesn’t fit into most mainstream genres. I haven’t written it to cater to a certain audience. I wrote it for myself. I needed to know why my pattern with men was painful, and how I could lift the pain so I could enjoy the passion I’d learned was available for all of us.