Can we please begin again?

Can I release all irritation, illness and incapacity?

Can I give up bitterness, befuddlement, and beckoning to another when what I want is internal balance?

Can I clear out drawers of inane words and unsettling thoughts, ignorant attitudes and nasty insults, fears and rejection of self and others?
artist done w drawers

Can I get back to the soul that sees life as the budding of spring’s new life and revel in the beauty?

Must I carry on the rage that something has gone wrong or will jump the tracks any minute now?

Can I release the negativity that infused cells in my body and caused genetic trauma to stand up and be saluted?

I want to begin again. Instead of the rubber band barriers, tight and stretching to breakage, can I be lotion saturating and make silky smooth.

This is a big week ahead. I meet a new oncologist. Last week I was quite depressed believing my cancer is back and needing medical care soon. I straightened up my act this week and believe the spot on my neck that was slightly puffy has lessened again. I cannot eat anything I want. If I do, I pay. I need to respect this new life coming forward. I must remember the eagle and realize I’m still in the process of growing back my beak and plucking out the weakened feathers. I will fly again. There is a whole world I want to be involved with and watch interact with this world that seems locked up tight with forces that don’t care if the whole ship goes down.

I want to release the second-guessing.

I want to embrace the sensitivity.

I want to daily get back to what I do best, writing in the minute what I see and feel, think and understand.

Those moments when the immune system is plagued by the negative emotions, which make my blood bad, those moments I want to upchuck and release. I will do this from now one.

I won’t let it stay in me.